


Knocks on My Heart

by Elf_Gengfan



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: M/M, Male Homosexuality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-15 15:10:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4611366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elf_Gengfan/pseuds/Elf_Gengfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kim Junsu is the twin of Kim Junho. They are so close and unseparated for dear life. But things change when Junsu decides to continue his degree on prestige university out of Korea whilst Junho decides to continue his degree on local university. However, the distances never separate them. They exchange the news of their whereabouts and their conditions almost every day.</p><p>Then, a proposal comes. A fine young man asked Junho for his hand in marriage and Junho didn’t rejects it since both families agree on it. It was an arranged marriage but they end up living happily together. During the wedding, Junsu can’t attend it since he’s on his internship, but he does watching the wedding using streaming and thanks to his best friend Hyukjae who’s willing to record that eventful ceremony for him.</p><p>Junho always sends him pictures of him and his husband, Junsu can’t help but smiling to how adorable both men look. A year after that, they manage to adopt a baby boy. Junho’s family is complete and Junsu can’t deny how happy his twin is.</p><p>But, the happiness didn’t last long. Junho meet an accident and everything changes after that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> “Well Su…don’t you know…? Moon doesn’t have the light of its own. The sunlight is reflected on moon, and that’s what makes us, human looks at it beautifully. Moon is surely thankful to the sun, for making its life to look beautiful at night,”  
> and you should know Junsu, you are my sun -Jung Yunho

Junsu stares at the fax he just receives a few minutes ago. He has been running to the deputy dean office as soon as Diana informs him that he got a fax. He was wondering why there’s no one picking up his phone when he calls back to Korea. Even Junho stops calling him. Junsu pouted a bit. That frog pole must have good reasons for not calling, he grumbles for a bit as he arrives at the office.  
“Morning Mrs Anne…” he greets cheerily and the secretary smiles back to him. But her smiles look a little bit fatigue today. “So Mrs Anne…where’s my fax?” Junsu asks, really excited on reading the content of the fax. Hesitantly, Mrs Anne hands Junsu the fax.  
-Junsu-ah, you are facing your final examination right? I hope you are doing great. But forgive me your father. I couldn’t call you to inform you this, nor can your mother. Junho, he leaves us all. The angels take him. I can’t tell you directly because of this. I hope, you can accept this with a full heart.-


	2. The Will

_Junho pouted as he looks toward Junsu’s direction. The twin of his just humming lowly whilst his hands tap the table in front of them, producing not so nice sounds to hear. “Su,” Junho called out again, asking for Junsu attention. Junsu grins silently before looking at his twin with his innocent looks. “Yes Juno…any last words?” Junho flicks his twin nose making the dolphin one squeak for a bit. “Juno…you made me sounds girly…” Junho rolls his eyes in disbelief. “Correction Su…you are wearing a long black wig with a light make-up on and not to mention, girly clothes right now,” Junho said whilst shaking his head in disbelief. Junsu only laugh in returns whilst he looks at Junho, stops from tapping the table continuously. “Well my twin…you said you want to chase away the girl, so here I am, dressing as a girl and pretends as I’m your girlfriend… you should be thankful to me,” he retort playfully when Junho widened his eyes._

_“Haha…funny Su…really funny…where’s the place you learn that jokes?”_

_“Hyukkie….”_

_“Ugh….I shall kill that monkey from the first day you brought him home and introduced him as your very best friend…” Junsu giggles again as he looks at Junho. “Juno…don’t be mad…I’m dressing like this just to help you…and because I know I can pull it quite good…being your girlfriend I mean…” Junsu states whilst he starts to look here and there. “By the way, where’s the poor creature anyway?” he asked and Junho shrugged. “I don’t know…she said she wants to meet me here… so I brought you here but she’s nowhere to be seen…so I guess, we will be leaving soon if she didn’t come up…” Junho reason out but Junsu thinks of something else. He hooks his arm around Junho arm with a smile Junho couldn’t quite decipher._

_“Twin…” Junsu start to whine slowly. Junho ceased his forehead, didn’t quite catch the situation yet, but when he sees Junsu’s winking toward him, he got the conclusion._

_“So…after this…where do you want to go Su?” he asked, almost vomits on his own sweet and sickening melodious voice. Junsu force out his outmost soft giggles and starts to play with the hem of his twin’s shirt. “Hum…somewhere quiet…and only the two of us alone…” he said, with a playful smirk on his face. Junho just plays along well. “Su…that’s not a right place…I might jump on you if I’m not already are…”_

_-Splash!!-_

_“Slut!!” both of the men lift up their face, to look at the girl who just pouring a glass of cold water towards Junsu. Junho quickly stands up._

_“Lea!” he yells loudly while the girl still shivers in anger. “Oppa…how could you…you come here just want to show her off? I thought….” Junsu shakes his head for a bit then taking the handkerchief inside the handbag, wiping the water dripping off from his head. “That’s not a reason for you to hurt my Su…you couldn’t understand aren’t you. You think I will fall in love with you when you act like this? Wrong. It just shows me the ugly side of you…you are nothing but a self-centred girl… come on Su…let’s go…” Junsu who didn’t even have to say anything else stands up then clings on to Junho’s arm. Junho looks at Junsu._

_“Damn it…it’s hard to walk in heels…so just let me clings to you until we reach the car…” Junsu said and Junho laughs. His twin is sure incredible._

JUNSU P.O.V

Those memories…memories of us when we were still young adults. In the middle of joining the journey that will shapes who we are today. I missed messing up with him, disturbs him when he paints, poking him whilst he’s asleep. My twin, the one and only. My other half, that’s what he answered when I asked him seriously what I meant to him, but then change into a crazy man when I asked him jokingly. That memories, when I dressed up as a girl is one of my most treasured memories. After that meeting with Lea, we head home because I feel so uncomfortable dressed as a girl and mom caught us off guards. Sorry twin, because of me, you too get dressed up as a girl that day because mom feels like we are both cute as girls. Papa can’t do much right when mom in her fan girl mode. Mom keeps taking our pictures and one of the pictures where I’m still in my black long dress with a wig on, and you the purple white one is mom favourite. She hung it on the wall at the living room. You protested once and put it down, but the picture hung up back the next day.

You are sulking with me all night long after that, because I’m laughing and said that’s picture look good and you answered me that you are freaking a man with no boobs. But then I answered you that I’m also a man. Do you remember what you said? You said that being a woman suits me because of my feminine looks. Yes, we are twin, but we have different expressions when we come to our looks. You are manlier than me, that’s I have to admit but hey, we still twin after all, and when mom dress us up, we do look like a doll.

Do you remember? Yoochun, one of my friends come over and asked where our sisters are after he saw that picture. My stomach hurt because of laughing but you stomped on my feet saying it’s not funny. We both left him confused without answers.

Twin, we get through many things together. We always together though we choose different path in study. I choose business and you choose art. I didn’t complain because I know how great an artis you are. You make a very good painter. Then comes the offer from Melbourne, asking me to continue my study there. That night we confront each other first. Yeah, I don’t want to talk to mom, or papa, because I know you’ll understand me the most. You looks sad, but then you said that “Hey twin…it’s your dream…go catch it…” that night we spent together, snuggling to each other just like when we were young kids back then. Mom, papa, you, Hyukjae, sends me there. Yoochun is going as well since he got the offer same as mine. He teases me when I keeps hugging you when the call for our departure comes. Then you said, “Su, let’s talk more when you already arrived there…the ride not that long right…eight hours and you are there…call me…” and I nod.

When I steps into the departure hall, you waves your hand frantically with a big smiles on your face. I never thought that was the last smile from you that I can see.

I folded my last shirts and put it into the luggage. Then I look around. I will be leaving Australia soon. Melbourne leaves me so many memories, so does Brisbane. I spent my four years here, away from my family, from my Korean friends, and…my twin. Junho. I missed him. Missed him so much. When we parted before, four years ago, he jokingly said, we won’t meet again and yes, we didn’t meet. Because he left me already. He chooses to be in heaven alone, without me. Few weeks ago, you sent me a letter, and I never read it because I feel it’s weird of you. You always send me e-mail, updating about your family, your husband, and your two years old son. You conceive him via in-vitro fertilization. There’s a generous girl who’s willing to carry your child and give you her ovum. You thanked her so much that she’s only hope that you’ll take a good care of the son. You know, I really want to meet her. I can't quite remembered her name. but such a great woman she is.

I brace myself, it’s time to read the letter aren’t I? You sends me ages ago, but still I didn’t have enough courage to read. I walk to my study table, pulling my drawer and takes my diary. I put your letter there you know, because everything between us are secrets. You always said that. My fingers dance on my black diary, hypervalenting on reading your letter or not. At the end I did. And I regret reading the letter afterwards. What you ask of me are really hard for me to comply Junho. And the way you wrote the letter, as if you know that your life will end soon. Junho, why?

 

_To my dear twin Kim Junsu who I love dearly. Yuckss, that’s cheesy but hey, I do love you. So, how’s Brisbane? Heard from papa you and your boyfriend the mouse went there for your summer vacation. You should hit home you know I missed cuddling with you. Misses your duckbutt as well. It has beeng three years and half. And you never come home for your semester break. You didn’t even come to my wedding before. But yeah, back there papa’s business aren’t going so well and I understand, you didn’t want to burden papa with those leeching high price planes’ ticket. Not to mention, you have summer school to catch up, my twin is so hardworking. Anyhow, fighting!_

_I don’t know either what’s getting into me. Tonight Yunho isn’t home. He has to go outstation for his business. Don’t misunderstand him okay, he usually brings me along, but this time I can’t go, because I have an event at my university tomorrow. And mama robs my little baby away from me two days ago. Maybe because I feels alone inside this big house, my heart keeps yelling to me to write you a letter. Weird huh? But well, this weird married man is your twin after all. He’s being weird because he got infected by his twin that loves to be weird._

_Okay…well, Su, you know, we have really similar taste aren’t we? I don’t know why, but I really wished that you will get marry soon. Kekeke…annoyed with me? Well, I’m just saying. Having a family is something that can really make you smiles Su. I really hope you get marry soon. Not that I’m pressurizing you (hell yes I am ). Oh…Jungha now already two years old, and he never see his uncle just yet, I bet he will get confused when he see you after this. Kekeke, that will be cute aren’t it?_

_Kim Junsu, I have been living happily besides my husband, I really do. I want you to feel happy like me to. I don’t know what will happen in future but promise me this. If I’m going to leave this world behind, I entrust you my family. My husband and my son. You and me, we didn’t have that much differences after all. I’m sure you can take care of Jungha and Yunho just the way I took care of them. You can take this as a joke for now, but Su, if that time does come, and you still hasn’t married yet, please fulfil my will. Marry Jung Yunho and take care of my son Jung Jungha for me. I beg you. Please, I trust nobody except you. Marry Yunho and please take care of him and Jungha. I never asked anything from you (aside from that one time you dressed up as girl..kekekeke )_

_Okay…I think I wrote long enough. Full of ramblings and unimportant information at all but well, I know my twin will read this anyways. So…anyhow, I wish my twin the greatest happiness in this world_

_Yours sincerely_

_Awesome twin_

_Kimjunho_

_Oppss_

_Jungjunho…kekekeekeke_

 

Juno…you knew all along aren’t you. You left me with such a heavy will. I looks at the letter again and keeps it inside my diary. I inhale deeply. I have never meet Yunho before, I bet, when he looks at me after this, I will remind him of Junho so very much. I am determined to fills Junho’s will, but will everything be fine along with that? I don’t know. I really don’t know.

 

********************************************************

 

I arrive at Incheon’s airport after two days I got the new. JiHyo and Yoochun, both agree to accompany me to go back to Korea. I feel guilty though; they cancelled their plan on walking around Alastair for the last time and spend some nights at the mountain. It’s the six of us at first, me, JiHyo, Yoochun, Jaejoong, Min Jung and Hyunjoong, but since I received the news, they let me out. At the end, Yoochun and JiHyo follow me to, saying they wouldn’t let me all alone. How grateful I am because of their kindness, one of kind friends. I remembered the first time I got the news, I cries river, Yoochun and JiHyo are the first comes running to me and calm me down as I was about to pass out. I know right now and then, that new is not something inside my dream. It’s the truth that I have to face. My twin already passed away and leaves me behind, leave our parents behind and he leaves his three years old son with his husband. I never met his husband before but I do know how he looks like. I’ve seen countless pictures of him that Junho sends to me. A pair of dark rich brown orbs with the way his eyes always sparkling whenever he smiles, his bow’s shape lips curves up whenever he hugs Junho inside his embrace, the pointy nose that matching his eyes, the dark wavy hair that sometimes falls in front of his forehead, covering it stylishly. In a quick says, he’s a handsome man. A man that already makes many hearts flutters. Including Junho.

The flight to Korea was tiring, but that doesn’t stops me from feeling excited to meet my parents who I haven’t meets for four years. I am so eager to meet them, to hug them, to pour out all of my sadness out. As soon as I’m out from the arrival hall, I can see the faces I want to see the most. I ran to my parents hugging my father tightly.

“Dad….” I can only hug him tight, unable to say anything furthermore. I know he understands. Then I feel a pair of hand sneaks around my waist, making me to look at the owner. “Mom…” I return her hugs while choking on my own sobs. JiHyo and Yoochun only able to look at me, with their eyes waters full of tears. “I miss you my son…” she whispers and I instantly know, that the miss she feels not only for me, but for my deceased twin to. I know now only me that left for them and they can see Junho through me.

“Papa…” I feel a small hand tugs on my shirt. I gaze down and I see him. A perfect clone of myself, back when I was a baby. “Papa…” he calls out again. I can’t hold my tears back anymore, I let go of my parents hug and hug the baby boy instead. “Papa…where were you? Papa hate me…coz me no good boy? Me sorry…me won’t make papa mad again…me will be a good boy…” my tears flow down, heavily as I heard the word from the little boy. He must be missing his late papa so much that he mistakenly thinks of me as his papa. I shakes my head repeatedly, not able to say anything.

“Me bad…me bad…me know…don’t leave me anymore…” I try my best not to let my tears fall, but fail miserably. He looks at me with his tadpole eyes then he cups my face with his little palms. “Papa don’t cry….me is good boy…no cry…me will listen well to papa…me misses papa so much….” I hug him, nodding along. “Papa miss papa little boy too. Papa is sorry that Papa was away…but papa will never leave his good boy behind again…” I only can promise him that as the tears flows endlessly. I look at JiHyo’s direction. The tough girl also trying her best not to cry whilst Yoochun only stands there, not saying anything. From the corner of my eyes, I can see my mother turn her back on my, burying her face on father’s shoulder. Her body is shaking. I bite on my inner cheeks; I believe that, my return will surely bring havoc to many.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was hard to stand inside this bedroom again. The two single beds, the two study tables, the two chairs, the two wardrobes, almost everything in pair. I walk to his bed, Junho’s bed, my twin bed and sits on it. I can clearly hear the voices outside of the bedroom. Voices that are belong to my relatives who come to meet me after four years of separation. Four years, is not a long time, but many have changes. The cousin on my mother side, Ellen, married with a foreigner and now in her eight months of pregnancy after just giving birth to her oldest son two years ago. Auntie Hyo Joo re-married again with a guy ten years younger than her. I don’t find anything wrong in that since love knew no boundaries, but some of my relatives do point that out as a problem.

Jungha already fall asleep inside my parents’ bedroom. Perhaps the journey from Apgujeong, to Incheon, and then from Incheon back to Apgujeong worn him out. I still remember how tight he clutches to me, ignoring his grandma calling out for him to sit with her in front. He insist of cradling on my laps, holding tightly onto my shirt. Mother shakes her head, saying that he should let me rest, but then he answered with the most heartbroken answer I ever heard.

“Me no want to let papa go…last time me let papa go…papa gone…for long…only now papa back…” he said as he hold to me tightly. I can only hide my tears by hugging him tightly and kisses his forehead again and again. When we arrived back at my parents’ house, he insist of staying with me despite of all his yawns and sleepy eyes. Mother said that I should accompany him to sleep. I have nothing to argue and carry him into my parents’ bedroom, cradling him, singing him a lullaby and persuading him to sleep. He only let my shirt of his clutches when the sleep really gets into him and here I am now, standing inside my bedroom, looking around.

I run my fingers on Junho’s table. No dust. Mother must have been cleaning this room frequently. Then I pulled the drawer. There are stacks of album stored in the drawer. Collections that Junho kept with him. I pulls one of the album out and starts to look into it. There are numerous of pictures inside there. Some are his, some are mine, and some are both of us. I smiles. Now only this are left as reminder. I caress his picture and let out a small sigh. I shouldn’t grief this long. Junho will be mad at me. Then I take out another album. It was an album full of my pictures. I’m singing for the first time on the stage, my first time giving a talk during English Week, my first game in soccer, almost everything on my moment. I used to tell him there’s no use taking pictures, but then he will replied coolly.

_“Hey, one day, you will thank me for taking these pictures. At least there will be something left behind as memories and reminders…”_

Yes, he is right. What left here are precious memories between us two. At the last page of the album, I found my picture sleeping with my head on my arm and looks like I was sleeping while resting my head on something white. I take out the picture and read what Junho wrote at the back.

_‘_ ` _This is the twin of mine. He’s cute, he’s funny, and he’s caring. A perfect man that none could compare (except for dad, he always win the first place). I took this picture when I was hospitalized for fracture on my left foot because of a soccer match and he was sleeping soundly after ten minutes I’m faking my sleep. Truth is, I’m bored already, laying on hospital’s bed, but hey, with his company I feel less lonely. He always here besides me, take a good care of me. Helping me. I know he was exhausted, but he didn’t show me. He’s an angel, and he does look like one, (only I wouldn’t tell him). Hey duckie, know this, if one day, I have to leave you first, I will watch out for you, up there, and be your guardian angel’_ `

` _-Junho-_ `

My tears fall down again. That stupid twin of mine. When I already decide that I won’t cry again, he manages to make my H20+NaCl drops from my eyes again. Stupid, stupid Kim Junho. I wipe my eyes and put the picture back into the album. Then, I heard a soft knock on the door, along with my mother’s voice.

“Suie…come here…meet Junho’s-in-law…” mother calls out for me. I inhale my breath, then answered my mother. I don’t want her to know that I was crying and any possibilities of having cracking voice should be avoided. “A minute mom…I need to go to the bathroom first,” I answered as I bring my feet to the bathroom, washing and cleaning my face for a bit. Erasing all evidence of tears from my face. After taking another deep breath, I head out from the bedroom and walk down the stairs to the living room.

Once I steps into the living room, I can feel many pairs of eyes looking at my direction and I feel awkward for a moment. I walk slowly and politely before taking the seat next to my father. Still, I can feel all eyes on me. “Ahra…this is Junsu…Junho’s twin…” finally mother breaks out the awkward silent. I look towards the woman named Ahra. She looks beautiful though there’s evidence of her old age. Her wisdom hair are showing, so as the tiny lines draws on her face. But still those pair of brown orbs, shines beautifully. “Suie…this is Jung Ahra…Yunho’s mother…” I bow my body ninety degree, greeting the old woman.

“Nice to meet you…Auntie Ahra…”

“Call me Mama Jung…Junho used to call me that…” she said with a little smile on her face. I smile back at her, as polite as I can. Then I look at the man beside her. The man looks older but I bet their age gap not too far.

“Junsu right? Call me Papa Jung…I’m Yunho’s father…” he said and I bowed. Both of the Jung’s look so friendly, Junho is so lucky to have them as in-law. “And I’m Jung Soojung…Yunho’s older sister…here is my youngest sister Jung Mika and here is…” a woman, I bet in her early thirty introduced herself along with another girl. I shifted my eyes to a man sitting at the end of the couch, farthest for me. Is that Yunho? He look similar, but I don’t quite recall Yunho’s images in my mind. “That is Jung Changmin…Yunho’s younger brother…” she said again. I nods and looks at Changmin. He just quietly sits there, not saying anything, only forming a thin smile on his lips.

“Oppa…you look lots like Junho’s oppa…” Mika suddenly said as she looks directly at me. Soojung nudges her sister’s a bit and I smiles at her enthusiasm. “Of course…he’s my twin…though I’m lot more handsome than him right??” I answered, a little bit joking. They all chuckles and I sigh in relief. At least, the awkward tensions between us melt away.

The Jung stays for dinner. We all chats and talk to each other happily. Mika is the noisiest. She is so active. Actives helping mother at the kitchen as well as serving the dinner. She also asked me about my feelings living outside Korea for years and how I survive. I teased her saying that spoilt daughter like her couldn’t even stand a day apart from Mama Jung and Papa Jung. She end up pulling her face, sulking with me. Papa and Mama Jung, as well as my parents laugh at her and they says jokingly, she will be my perfect little bride. Mika ends up stomping her feet sulking at the corner. I manage to persuade her by bribing her with my favourite chocolate that I brought home. The atmosphere become lighter and laughs can be heard.

I try to help out, feeling weird sits back doing nothing since I used to prepare everything on my own when I was abroad. But they insist of asking me to just rest. Finally, Jungha wakes up. Saving me from boredom and I spend my times playing with him, sometimes answering his questions though he keeps asking almost similar one. Changmin finally joins in, also becomes Jungha’s bullied victim. He becomes a horse and Jungha insist to ride on him. I have to interfere and saying that he should be a good boy and let his tired Uncle Changmin to rest. Jungha is about to protest, but then I manage to lure him by promise him that we will be playing together again tomorrow at the playground.

Dinner went by with more laughter and happy faces. Mika start to tease me and her older brother when we accidentally picking up on the same fried prawn. Unluckily, we also picked up the same kimchi. She teased us, and suggests to Mama Jung to propose me for Changmin. I can see Changmin redden cheeks from the corner of my eyes before Soojung stops the youngest from making fun of us two.

The Jung left after dinner; I send them to their car while carrying Jungha in my arms. Changmin stands right in front of me with his dazzling smiles and mismatches eyes. He do looks handsome. “Thanks for dinner…it was delicious…” he said.

“I’m not the one cooking….” I answered him and I heard Mika interrupt from a far. “You should cook Junsu oppa…way to win Changmin’s oppa heart is by food…he’s a food monster…!!” she yells when she already inside the car. “Mika!” I heard Mama Jung scolds her and I can't help but to chuckle. Changmin just look at me before looking away. A small pout was on his face but then he looks at me again after that.

“Uhm…so…see you tomorrow?” Changmin looks at me and  I return the gaze back at him. What did he mean by tomorrow again? “Are you asking me out for a date?” I asked him, teasing of course but once again, his face redden a bit. “Eh~ no,  I mean…you promised Jungha...err…never mind…see you again next time..” he said and turn on his heels. I can see he’s become nervous and he’s cute like that. “Changmin…” I called out for him and he turns to look at me again. “Yes Suie…”

“Goodnight kiss?” I asked him with questioning eyes. He looks stunned as I moves closer to him. He obviously flutters with my tease and I can’t help but feels like he’s cuter that way. “I mean for Jungha…” I continue with teasing smiles on my face. “Oh..Jungha…yes…sure…” he said and kiss Jungha’s forehead before almost running to the driver seat. I wave the Jungs good bye as the car leaves our house.


End file.
